Incompatible Expectations

I'm sad to report that in my classroom I have expected perfection. I have expected every student to show interest by listening when I talk and working hard when I say go. I've recently come to the realization that expecting perfection is unrealistic and ultimately harmful.

In my past jobs, I have found myself frustrated and disenchanted when students don't meet my expectations. Lately (and with a few years of parenting behind me) I've come to realize that my response is not helpful and that if I want to fulfill my role as advocate, educator, and forward-mover, I need to realign me responses to student behavior. I must meet misbehavior, noncompliance, and disengagement with patience and understanding, not punitive frustration.

I can offer threats of punishment, or I can offer kindness. I can warn of potential failures, or I can stay present and provide support. I can show my frustration by sighing in exasperation, or I can surprise a child with my warm persistence. I want students, especially those who can be challenging, to feel like school is a sanctuary and like the adults in schools are their champions. I think this can only be accomplished when we push back against our inclinations to act with authoritarian control. We must model kindness and compassion in every interaction. Doing that is difficult, and I think it's okay to acknowledge the difficulty. In fact, doing so can help foster student-teacher and colleague connections on a school campus.

Having high expectations and expecting perfection are incompatible, and for too long I've been confusing the two. Time and again, research has revealed that the teachers who have high expectation of all of their students are the teachers who promote academic growth. I thought that expecting perfection was the same as having high expectations. Instead, I was sending the message that students who weren't perfect weren't worthy of my time or my teaching efforts. I sincerely regret sending that message.

Transforming the way I respond to students requires a lot of effort, but it's already paying off. I have had several recent encounters where my old response would have led to a student shutting down. Instead, I've offered support, encouragement, or space. Students have been given the opportunity to return to learning, instead of having to save face or put up a defense.

I believe that small steps like these can lead to the transformation of our educational system, and ultimately, our world. The more we choose kindness and connection, the more we move future generations to do the same. 

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